Be Sincere—Not Serious

One of the best parts of working at a media company is seeing how the work we publish can change people’s lives. Our most recent hire, entrepreneur in residence Brandon Gell, had his life changed by the piece you are about to read (which we originally published last year). It was the key for him to find joy in his career. It may just do the same for you.—Evan Armstrong

---

Back when I was a manager at a large corporation, I noticed myself alternating between two distinct states at work. Most of the time, work was fun. Even when I clocked long hours on challenging projects, I enjoyed myself and looked forward to doing it again the next day. 

Other times, I was a tightly wound ball of stress who sucked the joy out of a room like a dementor from Harry Potter. Even when my workload was lighter, things just felt difficult. Eventually, I realized the work itself wasn’t to blame—it was my attitude that was triggering one state or the other. For a long time, I wondered how to fix this problem.

I found an answer in the work of British philosopher and writer Alan Watts, who delivered the statement in a lecture: “I assume that maybe you are not serious, but sincere.” 

His words jumped out at me. I reflected on the difference between these two modes of being and something shifted. Suddenly, I had a new tool—a lens with which to identify whether a curious, playful approach to challenges might be more effective than tension and struggle. It turns out that you can’t be serious and sincere at the same time. Seriousness precludes sincerity.

For the most part, you’d be better served by being sincere rather than serious. Yet, in life, we often gravitate towards the reverse. Let’s dive into the difference between the two and find ways to help you access the life-changing magic of sincerity.

It’s just a ride

In his stand-up routine, American comedian Bill Hicks compares the world to a rollercoaster: "The world is like a ride at an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud."

Some people, he points out, recognize that life is "just a ride," while others seem strongly invested in it being, in some sense, real: "Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This has to be real!” Hicks’s tone is stronger and more judgmental than I would use, but his point is clear: It's possible to get so caught up in the bells and whistles that you lose sight of the bigger picture. 

Imagine you're playing a board game with someone who takes the game too seriously. They’re trying to win and follow the rules to the letter. Eventually, they forget it is just a game that will end and that life goes on regardless of the outcome. When I play games too seriously, I don’t have much fun. Later, once the game is over, I worry that I ruined the fun for others. Being serious turns the game into a drag. Even if I technically “win,” it doesn’t feel that way in the end.

Consider the alternative stance, one in which you never lose awareness of the fact that it's just a game. This doesn't mean you can't be fully involved in the game itself, playing to the best of your ability and aiming for a particular outcome. That’s what it means to play sincerely—to be engrossed in the experience of the game without taking it too seriously. In my experience, that approach is a lot more fun for everyone involved.

Finite games are serious

In his book, Finite and Infinite Games, James Carse describes two kinds of “games” that we play: “A finite game is played for the purpose of winning, an infinite game for the purpose of continuing the play. Finite games are those instrumental activities—from sports to politics to wars—in which the participants obey rules, recognize boundaries, and announce winners and losers. The infinite game—there is only one—includes any authentic interaction…[that] exists solely for the purpose of continuing the game.”